Friday, January 30, 2009

16 Things. Maybe 25.

Expedeient Return of Chair
A fact not mentioned on this list: I like a comfy chair. Who doesn't?

This shit is nuts. I first came across this 16/25 things meme via my wife and my friend Amber, who tagged my wife in the first place. Then, my friend Andrea tagged me via LiveJournal. In addition to all of that, Facebook caught the bug.
If I've tagged you via Facebook, it's because you may have inspired me somehow during the writing of this – which has taken ages – or I think it'd be cool to know more about you. But het, you're under absolutely under no obligation to do this. Really. Participating in things like this is quite rare for me.
  1. G. Michaels /L. Yuskavage: I just checked this, so I do believe I'm the first dude to make this comparison (online): I can't help but compare porn performer extraordinaire Gianna Michaels to a Lisa Yuskavage painting. If the thought ever crossed your mind, I commend you for being on my genius wavelength. If Gianna ever posed for Lisa, I'm sure I'd explode upon hearing the news. Kinda like this.

  2. Old Dutch: It bugs me greatly that the U.S packaging for Old Dutch snacks kicks serious ass, while the Canuck stuff is pretty bland and lacking in unity. This makes me leave Grand Forks' SuperOne Foods in tears.

    Okay, not really.

  3. Rope light-based figment of my imagination: There are townhouses adjacent to my building, and the rear balcony of one of the dwellings has rope lights attached to it. I assume they were put up for Christmas. Every time I make my way from the parking lot to the building, I'm greeted by a visage created by these decorations: three eyes and a large mouth made up of white lights, with a string of red and green lights strung across the middle. I've dubbed this configuration "Kwanzaabeast".

  4. Two pseudonyms I may never have a use for:
    1. Fritz Quadrata. Inspired by the typeface Friz Quadrata (if you're a fan of Black Flag or any of the Law & Order shows, you know what I'm taking about).
    2. Ginger Minge. Inspired by my admiration of the Coachwhips and redheads. I think I'd have to write female-oriented erotica to use this one.

  5. J.P. Stassen: I just finished reading Deogratias: A Tale of Rwanda by this man, and it totally opened my eyes to the activity that took place there in 1994 and '95. I was 19 at that time, and mostly unaware of the bloodshed, despite the news coverage. His very appealing artwork, combined with his use of flashbacks, tell the story of the title character's descent into madness due to his involvement in the genocide. This, coupled with an introduction that sheds light on the history behind the genocide (written by Alexis Siegel, the book's translator), made for a very riveting read. I felt like a pretty spoiled North American afterward.

  6. Mike Doughty: I'm a fan, and I hate to admit it but Mike's last album, Golden Delicious, didn't really do it for me. I haven't listened to it for months, but as I'm writing this, I'm willing to throw it on, because as I said, I'm a fan. With that said, there's nothing better than that man playing solo, or backed up by his man Scrap on cello. Ever since his Soul Coughing days, I've loved his often witty lyrics, the way he plays with words, and how they come through a microphone. It's magic. Hearing him sing is quite comforting to me. There was a point two years ago where I was listening to Skittish and Rockity Roll at least once a day while working. That must have lasted a couple of months. I think I was just in a good groove. I'm hoping that on one of his many tours (he's on the road constantly), he'll see about heading to Winnipeg...maybe after a Minneapolis stop.
    BONUS BIT: Mike allows audience taping, so a number of his shows can be found at This one from Portland in 2002 is a regular listen for me. The stage banter is priceless.

  7. Right now...: I'm gonna make a sandwich. Mushrooms, cheese, and hoisin sauce. (I think I wrote this bit on Monday.)

  8. Raisins: Hate 'em. Alone, or in anything. Grapes that fell from grace, that's what they are.

  9. Big girls/fat chicks/BBWs: What triggered my passion for women of size? Two things: porn and a (then) student teacher. I've been reading porn ever since I was 13, and back then, I was a devotee of Gent magazine. Some time later, a sister magazine by the name of Plumpers and Big Women was launched, and, can say I had an epiphany of sorts. Don't read anything dirty into that; it was truly a moment of clarity. I realized that women like the ones in Plumpers were all around me (Winnipeg has some thick ladies). After that, I looked at the world with wider eyes.
    Those wider eyes locked on a student teacher, the one I mentioned earlier. She came into my life via 11th grade English. She was blond, boisterous, and beautiful. Needless to say, she was also everything I wanted. She triggered some incredible fantasies, but I won't elaborate...I'm a gentleman (adjusts collar).

  10. What I want played at my funeral service: Jeff Buckley's cover of "Satisfied Mind". Dig out your copy of Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk and listen to it. It's on the second disc. There you go. That's a fitting send-off, don't you think?

  11. Call me crazy, but I miss the '90s: A lot of my favorite music (rap and other genres) came out of this decade. Sue me.

  12. I also miss high school: Seriously, I had a great fucking time. Sure, I got teased n' shit, but in retrospect, that didn't last long. This isn't some revisionist/happy-memories-whitewashing-the-bad sort of thing, that was a great time in my life. My friends were dope, and I knew really cute girls. I was kinda sad to leave, but life moves on. However, don't be surprised if you see me walking across the field of my alma mater (Gordon Bell) after a late-night Tim Hortons visit.
    I feel bad for the folks that didn't have as good a time as I did.

  13. Scribe: It took over six years of owning a blog, but I can truly say that I enjoy writing, even though it takes me ages. Writing this list has taken several days.

  14. While we're at it...: I've become a stickler for proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I blame Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day and the Grammar Girl podcast. I'm far from perfect, but I'll take any opportunity to improve. Believe me, I'll be the last dude to hold your habit of misplaced punctuation over your head. In the end, it's all about being understood as clearly as possible and knowing as much as I can about my primary tongue.

  15. That girl: I'm sure you know her...the one at Dominion News? With the Bettie haircut, the piercings, and the glasses? Yeah, her. Isn't she awesome?

  16. On the subject of "awesome": I'm fully guilty of overusing this word (see #15). I knew of this even before Rod Filbrandt's blog post against it. I'm sorry, but when I come across works of art on a daily basis (that includes everything from a tight drawing to a woman's ass), I can't help but revert to childhood glee. That's when I run out of superlatives. "Awesome" is all that's left.

  17. A trigger: Want to send me into a murderous rage? Trim your fingernails in public. I'm sure people in your life love it when you leave little bits of yourself all over the place; however, seeing you commit such a crime just makes me want to put your fucking lights out.

  18. Music: Needless to say, it's very important to me. My taste is broad for two reasons:
    1. Every genre is valid, and I want to experience them all.
    2. I decided a long time ago that I wasn't gonna be put in some sort of musical taste box because of my race. No-fucking-body is gonna tell me what I can/can't like.

    Related story: During my first trip to Chicago in 2002, I decided to see the lovely Holly Golightly at the Beat Kitchen. I knew in the back of my mind that I was gonna be the only black dude there. I was used to that shit in Winnipeg, but this was like starting all over again. Sure enough, I was – until another dude came in with his white girlfriend. What happened next, I'll remember until the day I die. Reading her lips, I distinctly saw the white girlfriend say, "See? There's another!" Classic.

  19. Tight-ass lines: When I see incredible line work of Coop, Giant, Dan Clowes, Charles Burns, and many others – well, I die inside just a little bit. I'm not hatin', I just don't think I can rock tight-ass shit like that. I really don't think my brain is wired for that. Part of me wishes I was a sign painter's son (I fiend for painted signs).

  20. Musician: I want to be able to play something before I die. I can't read music, and it bugs me. I was a choir geek in high school (Senior and Vocal Jazz).

  21. Me and God: I was baptized at a United church, attended a non-denominational one for Sunday school, and sang at an Anglican one. My relationship with God is complicated. I know he's watching, yet I curse, consume porn, and wish death upon those that wrong me.

    I was kidding about that death bit.

  22. Effective advertising: On a recent shopping trip to Grand Forks, I came across an Aéropostale location. I had a moment of déjà vu. Then I remembered where I saw that name before: it was on the ass of the girl that served us at Cold Stone Creamery.

  23. How wealthy would I like to be?: Wealthy enough to drop everything and fly to Japan several times a year. It could happen.

  24. Sarah: If I'm considered any kind of good human being, it's because she's in my life. I love her muchly.

  25. Workin' out: I aim to get better with every drawing I make. It's all about working that creative muscle. Difficult things: women, buildings and cars.
There. Done.


aggiecore1984 said...

i went to heart this, but its not tumblr. i win. love, aggie

aggiecore1984 said...

also, new tumblr address:

Jeope said...

Teacher = "Luscious" Laura? Nice.

Allan L. said...

Yeah, her. (said sheepishly)