I Like to Make Lists

Three lists. Two look backward, one points to the future (I love melodrama).

Albums I Should've Bought In 2012 But I Was Fucking Broke
(I'm sure there are a few titles I'm missing, but here goes anyway...)

• Quakers – Quakers
• Oh No – Ohnomite
• El-P – Cancer4Cure
• Killer Mike – R.A.P. Music
• King Tuff – King Tuff
• Alabama Shakes – Boys and Girls
• Aesop Rock – Skelethon
• House Shoes – Let It Go
• Neneh Cherry and The Thing – The Cherry Thing
• The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – Meat & Bone
• Ben Folds Five – The Sound of the Life and the Mind
• The Walkmen – Heaven
• Anything Ty Segall put out this year
• Blu and Exile – Give Me My Flowers While I Can Still Smell Them
• King Tuff – King Tuff
• Sean Price – Mic Tyson

My Favorite Posters and Art Prints of 2012
Posters:

• Luke Drozd's "Shhh" poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/148908_Tiny_Ruins.html
• Drew Millward's Black Keys poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/149603_Band_Of_Skulls.html
• Landland's Eric Church poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/150075_Eric_Church.html
• Drew Millward's At the Drive-In poster: http://omgposters.com/2012/04/13/drew-millwards-poster-for-last-nights-at-the-drive-in-show-in-marfa-tx/
• Daniel Danger's At the Drive-In poster: http://omgposters.com/2012/04/16/daniel-dangers-poster-for-fridays-at-the-drive-in-show-in-el-paso/
• Kevin Tong's At the Drive-In poster: http://tragicsunshine.com/band_posters/at-the-drive-in
• Aaron Horkey's Andrew Bird poster: http://omgposters.com/2012/05/03/exclusive-aaron-horkeys-new-poster-for-andrew-bird/
• Scott Campbell's Washed Out tour poster: http://omgposters.com/2012/06/11/scott-campbells-washed-out-tour-poster/
• Laura Park's Kelly Hogan poster: http://www.flickr.com/photos/featherbed/7367603710/
• Miles Tsang's Odd Future poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/155413_Odd_Future.html
• Landland's Eric Church poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/155678_Eric_Church.html
• Rob Jones' Jack White poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/155773_Jack_White.html
• Kevin Tong's Umphrey's McGee poster: http://tragicsunshine.com/band_posters/umphreys-mcgee
• Mik Baro's Devil Dogs poster: http://mikbaroblog.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-devil-dogs-electric-sluts-loco-club.html

Art Prints:

• Tiny Kitten Teeth's Adventure Time art print:  http://adventuretimeart.frederator.com/post/15695472846/new-limited-edition-poster-sets-from-mondo
• Jay Ryan's postcards: http://omgposters.com/2012/02/09/new-postcards-and-an-art-print-by-jay-ryan/
• Tim Lee's "Space Station Number Five": http://omgposters.com/2012/04/16/space-station-number-5-art-print-by-tim-lee/
• Joe King's "Cephalopod": http://omgposters.com/2012/04/18/cephalopod-art-print-by-joe-king

2013 Wishes
I know we're a day into it, but I'd like to see these 10 things happen in 2013:

1. I hope to see more tan lines in the Tumblr-based nudes I come across. 
2. It'd be great to get my head out of my ass at some point in the year. 
3. I'd like more attribution to take place on Tumblr, so I won't have to get on my fucking soapbox for the umpteenth time.
4. A cash windfall. Hey, it could happen! 
5. A visit to Minneapolis. It's been two years, and five since I visited Grumpy's. 
6. I need to meet the man who does these signs for Public Meat. It'd be nice to get one of those joints, too.
7. Mik Baro will post his more recent work on gigposters.com. That'd be killer. What's currently there is a far cry from the badass shit that he's doing right now.
8. Maybe Michel Casarramona will update his site? Add a blog or something? Fingers crossed.
9. iTunes. I have serious iTunes problems. It'd be great to take care of those.
10. Disney...seriously. Stop being dicks about the Ward Kimball book. Like, where do you fuckers get off?  

Year-End Random Thoughts: December 31st, 2011

I make my resolutions public so it stings all the more when I fail. That's how I roll.

2012 RESOLUTIONS

1. Self-explanatory. I plan to bring my exercise total up to "some" from "virtually nil".
2. I became way too intimate with my overdraft limit this year. I hope to dead that issue in the twenty dozen. On the business front, I was a participant in the Art of Managing Your Career course, so I now have the tools to be my own boss. Time to make it happen.
3. Draw every day, or at least every other day. Why not? I have no excuses, especially with resources like this around.
4. Organized, in every way. Lessen the clutter. A place for everything, and every thing in its place. We'll see how long this attitude lasts.
5. One of the best things about having your own workspace is putting up stuff on the walls. I put up three awesome things this year, and I need to put up more. Cool stuff on my walls makes me want to create. Needless to say, this is really good.

MY 2011 MUSIC LIST (no, it's not another top 10)

Stuff I Loved The Most:

• Danny Brown's XXX
• Birdapres' Catch An L
• Blueprint's Adventures in Counter-Culture
• Tom Waits' Bad As Me
• Army Girls' Close to the Bone
• The Roots' Undun

XXX is so good, I can't believe it's free. Brown goes from hedonistic superhero to ghetto rubble storyteller to vulnerable dude in the course of 19 breezy tracks. I found this shit enthralling from day one.

I can say the same about Catch An L. The immediacy of dusty breaks combined with Bird's brainy flow made this a winner for me. Take a listen to "Show No Flair" (with John Smith blazing the second verse), and you'll be taken back to '89 with your feet still planted firmly in this day and time. Grab it from Marathon of Dope, and don't forget to donate.

Blueprint's Adventures was a fine display of an emcee attempting to spread his wings musically, and I think he showed a lot of growth here. The gem of this album? The passionate "Radio-Inactive".

It's clichéd to say so, but there are people that are Tom Waits fans, and there are those that are not, sometimes vehemently so. I don't know where I'm going with this. Bad As Me is just really good. So there.

I have Michael Elves to thank for introducing me to Army Girls via his blog. I love me a two person rock 'n' roll combo. They remind me of a punchier Inbreds, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Yo, I could go on and on about how amazing and smooth Undun is, but all I really want to talk about is the open ?uestlove drums on "The OtherSide" and "Tip the Scale". I could listen to those ALL DAY. LOOPED. Them shits do amazing things to my brain.

Stuff I Need to Spend More Time With:

• The Black Keys' El Camino
• Phonte's Charity Begins At Home
• This Hisses' "Surf Noir"
• Pip Skid's People Are the Worst
• Tim Hoover's More Napkins (Hey, did I mention that I have this release on cassette?)
• The Cool Kids' When Fish Ride Bicycles
• Mayer Hawthorne's How Do You Do 

...and why the hell didn't I buy that Charles Bradley album?

MY FAVORITE POSTERS & ART PRINTS OF 2011

Posters:

• Alamo Drafthouse Dracula poster by Vania Zouravliov and Aaron Horkey: http://omgposters.com/2011/01/12/dracula-poster-by-vania-zouravliov-and-aaron-horkey-onsale-info/
• Circa Survive poster by The Silent Giants: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/137472_Circa_Survive.html
• Lucero Poster Set by Chris Huth: http://omgposters.com/2011/02/11/lucero-poster-set-by-chris-huth/
• Deerhoof poster by Shawn K. Knight: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/139057_Deerhoof.html
• Saucy Yoda tour poster by Rory Phillips: http://www.flickr.com/photos/24327290@N02/5467820584/
• Kevin Tong's Appleseed Cast poster: http://omgposters.com/2011/03/29/kevin-tongs-poster-for-the-appleseed-cast-plus-art-print/
• Rich Kelly's The Hold Steady poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/141825_Hold_Steady.html
• Landland's Black Keys poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/143471_Black_Keys.html
• Phish poster by Rich Kelly: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/144500_Phish.html
• Majesty poster by DX: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/139656_Majesty.html
• 2 Hum posters by Jay Ryan: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/147174_Hum.html and http://www.gigposters.com/poster/147175_Hum.html
• Valdez poster by C. Gomez: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/147182_Valdez.html
• X poster by Lil' Tuffy: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/148166_X.html
• Portugal, The Man's poster by BlackYard http://www.blackyard.ch/?p=2054
• Andrew Bird poster by Hero Design http://heroandsound.com/?p=4113
• Good Old War poster by T-Bone and Aljaxx: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/148631_Good_Old_War.html

 Art Prints:

• "Glory Is Forever" art print by Hero Design Studio: http://heroandsound.com/?p=3479
• Weapons of Mass Creation (red bomb version) art print by Justin Kamerer: http://www.angryblue.com/index.php?pcat=1&item=902
• Nunavut art print by Jay Ryan and Aaron Horkey: http://thebirdmachine.com/detail.php?uid=DD4865

...and one poster I should've added last year, but I was sadly unaware of it – Brett Stenson's Built to Spill poster: http://www.gigposters.com/poster/132661_Built_To_Spill.html

Well, I think that's all the stuff I've got in my head, spilled out before you via ones and zeros. I hope 2011 treated you well, and that 2012 treats you even better. Personally, I'd rather forget 2011 existed, but I'm not gonna harp on that any longer. It's time to kick some ass!
G'night, folks!

An Assortment of Great Internet-Based April Fools' Day Jokes

• UGSMAG temporarily becomes JUGSMAG.
• Jess Fink spoofs her porn comic Chester 5000 XYV via Chesty 5000 XYV.
  Very NSFW, BTW.
• Brand New unveils a Dunkin' Donuts re-design.
• Blockhead hits you off with a rare Eminem joint...or does he?
  (Dig that stylin' '89 gear. Seriously, I can't tell if that photo is legit or not.)

16 Things. Maybe 25.

A fact not mentioned on this list: I like a comfy chair. Who doesn't?

This shit is nuts. I first came across this 16/25 things meme via my wife and my friend Amber, who tagged my wife in the first place. Then, my friend Andrea tagged me via LiveJournal. In addition to all of that, Facebook caught the bug.
If I've tagged you via Facebook, it's because you may have inspired me somehow during the writing of this – which has taken ages – or I think it'd be cool to know more about you. But het, you're under absolutely under no obligation to do this. Really. Participating in things like this is quite rare for me.

1. G. Michaels /L. Yuskavage: I just checked this, so I do believe I'm the first dude to make this comparison (online): I can't help but compare porn performer extraordinaire Gianna Michaels to a Lisa Yuskavage painting. If the thought ever crossed your mind, I commend you for being on my genius wavelength. If Gianna ever posed for Lisa, I'm sure I'd explode upon hearing the news. Kinda like this.
   
   
2. Old Dutch: It bugs me greatly that the U.S packaging for Old Dutch snacks kicks serious ass, while the Canuck stuff is pretty bland and lacking in unity. This makes me leave Grand Forks' SuperOne Foods in tears.
   
   Okay, not really.
   
   
3. Rope light-based figment of my imagination: There are townhouses adjacent to my building, and the rear balcony of one of the dwellings has rope lights attached to it. I assume they were put up for Christmas. Every time I make my way from the parking lot to the building, I'm greeted by a visage created by these decorations: three eyes and a large mouth made up of white lights, with a string of red and green lights strung across the middle. I've dubbed this configuration "Kwanzaabeast".
   
   
4. Two pseudonyms I may never have a use for:
   1. Fritz Quadrata. Inspired by the typeface Friz Quadrata (if you're a fan of Black Flag or any of the Law & Order shows, you know what I'm taking about).
   2. Ginger Minge. Inspired by my admiration of the Coachwhips and redheads. I think I'd have to write female-oriented erotica to use this one.
   
   
5. J.P. Stassen: I just finished reading Deogratias: A Tale of Rwanda by this man, and it totally opened my eyes to the activity that took place there in 1994 and '95. I was 19 at that time, and mostly unaware of the bloodshed, despite the news coverage. His very appealing artwork, combined with his use of flashbacks, tell the story of the title character's descent into madness due to his involvement in the genocide. This, coupled with an introduction that sheds light on the history behind the genocide (written by Alexis Siegel, the book's translator), made for a very riveting read. I felt like a pretty spoiled North American afterward.
   
   
6. Mike Doughty: I'm a fan, and I hate to admit it but Mike's last album, Golden Delicious, didn't really do it for me. I haven't listened to it for months, but as I'm writing this, I'm willing to throw it on, because as I said, I'm a fan. With that said, there's nothing better than that man playing solo, or backed up by his man Scrap on cello. Ever since his Soul Coughing days, I've loved his often witty lyrics, the way he plays with words, and how they come through a microphone. It's magic. Hearing him sing is quite comforting to me. There was a point two years ago where I was listening to Skittish and Rockity Roll at least once a day while working. That must have lasted a couple of months. I think I was just in a good groove. I'm hoping that on one of his many tours (he's on the road constantly), he'll see about heading to Winnipeg...maybe after a Minneapolis stop.
   BONUS BIT: Mike allows audience taping, so a number of his shows can be found at archive.org. This one from Portland in 2002 is a regular listen for me. The stage banter is priceless.
   
   
7. Right now...: I'm gonna make a sandwich. Mushrooms, cheese, and hoisin sauce. (I think I wrote this bit on Monday.)
   
   
8. Raisins: Hate 'em. Alone, or in anything. Grapes that fell from grace, that's what they are.
   
   
9. Big girls/fat chicks/BBWs: What triggered my passion for women of size? Two things: porn and a (then) student teacher. I've been reading porn ever since I was 13, and back then, I was a devotee of Gent magazine. Some time later, a sister magazine by the name of Plumpers and Big Women was launched, and, well...you can say I had an epiphany of sorts. Don't read anything dirty into that; it was truly a moment of clarity. I realized that women like the ones in Plumpers were all around me (Winnipeg has some thick ladies). After that, I looked at the world with wider eyes.
   Those wider eyes locked on a student teacher, the one I mentioned earlier. She came into my life via 11th grade English. She was blond, boisterous, and beautiful. Needless to say, she was also everything I wanted. She triggered some incredible fantasies, but I won't elaborate...I'm a gentleman (adjusts collar).
   
   
10. What I want played at my funeral service: Jeff Buckley's cover of "Satisfied Mind". Dig out your copy of Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk and listen to it. It's on the second disc. There you go. That's a fitting send-off, don't you think?
    
    
11. Call me crazy, but I miss the '90s: A lot of my favorite music (rap and other genres) came out of this decade. Sue me.
    
    
12. I also miss high school: Seriously, I had a great fucking time. Sure, I got teased n' shit, but in retrospect, that didn't last long. This isn't some revisionist/happy-memories-whitewashing-the-bad sort of thing, that was a great time in my life. My friends were dope, and I knew really cute girls. I was kinda sad to leave, but life moves on. However, don't be surprised if you see me walking across the field of my alma mater (Gordon Bell) after a late-night Tim Hortons visit.
    I feel bad for the folks that didn't have as good a time as I did.
    
    
13. Scribe: It took over six years of owning a blog, but I can truly say that I enjoy writing, even though it takes me ages. Writing this list has taken several days.
    
    
14. While we're at it...: I've become a stickler for proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I blame Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day and the Grammar Girl podcast. I'm far from perfect, but I'll take any opportunity to improve. Believe me, I'll be the last dude to hold your habit of misplaced punctuation over your head. In the end, it's all about being understood as clearly as possible and knowing as much as I can about my primary tongue.
    
    
15. That girl: I'm sure you know her...the one at Dominion News? With the Bettie haircut, the piercings, and the glasses? Yeah, her. Isn't she awesome?
    
    
16. On the subject of "awesome": I'm fully guilty of overusing this word (see #15). I knew of this even before Rod Filbrandt's blog post against it. I'm sorry, but when I come across works of art on a daily basis (that includes everything from a tight drawing to a woman's ass), I can't help but revert to childhood glee. That's when I run out of superlatives. "Awesome" is all that's left.
    
    
17. A trigger: Want to send me into a murderous rage? Trim your fingernails in public. I'm sure people in your life love it when you leave little bits of yourself all over the place; however, seeing you commit such a crime just makes me want to put your fucking lights out.
    
    
18. Music: Needless to say, it's very important to me. My taste is broad for two reasons:
    1. Every genre is valid, and I want to experience them all.
    2. I decided a long time ago that I wasn't gonna be put in some sort of musical taste box because of my race. No-fucking-body is gonna tell me what I can/can't like.
    
    Related story: During my first trip to Chicago in 2002, I decided to see the lovely Holly Golightly at the Beat Kitchen. I knew in the back of my mind that I was gonna be the only black dude there. I was used to that shit in Winnipeg, but this was like starting all over again. Sure enough, I was – until another dude came in with his white girlfriend. What happened next, I'll remember until the day I die. Reading her lips, I distinctly saw the white girlfriend say, "See? There's another!" Classic.
    
    
19. Tight-ass lines: When I see incredible line work of Coop, Giant, Dan Clowes, Charles Burns, and many others – well, I die inside just a little bit. I'm not hatin', I just don't think I can rock tight-ass shit like that. I really don't think my brain is wired for that. Part of me wishes I was a sign painter's son (I fiend for painted signs).
    
    
20. Musician: I want to be able to play something before I die. I can't read music, and it bugs me. I was a choir geek in high school (Senior and Vocal Jazz).
    
    
21. Me and God: I was baptized at a United church, attended a non-denominational one for Sunday school, and sang at an Anglican one. My relationship with God is complicated. I know he's watching, yet I curse, consume porn, and wish death upon those that wrong me.
    
    I was kidding about that death bit.
    
    
22. Effective advertising: On a recent shopping trip to Grand Forks, I came across an Aéropostale location. I had a moment of déjà vu. Then I remembered where I saw that name before: it was on the ass of the girl that served us at Cold Stone Creamery.
    
    
23. How wealthy would I like to be?: Wealthy enough to drop everything and fly to Japan several times a year. It could happen.
    
    
24. Sarah: If I'm considered any kind of good human being, it's because she's in my life. I love her muchly.
    
    
25. Workin' out: I aim to get better with every drawing I make. It's all about working that creative muscle. Difficult things: women, buildings and cars.

There. Done.

Hello n' stuff.

Goober Strawberry. Thanks, Nikki!

What up, y'all? It's been too got-damn long.
Yo, this 16 / 25 random things meme has been going nuts through my circle of friends on Facebook, in addition to appearances on Flickr and LiveJournal (Hi, Andrea!). I've been tagged a couple times, and my list is coming. I'm on number 13 or something. In the meantime, I'm...

• drawing stuff
• waiting patiently for Scott Pilgrim vs. The Universe (O'Malley has been teasing us fans with panels and swag via his site and flickr photostream)
  
• loving Google Reader
• reading a story on Mike Giant in Swindle
• shaking my head in disbelief at some of the knobs at UGSMAG's forum
• checking out Thom Glick's sketch-a-day posts (Dave Crosland's a participant, too!)...
• ...and admiring Faye Reagan (do a search, I don't feel like linking anything).

So, yeah. Peace.

The Four Albums I Loved in 2008

• Opio's Vulture's Wisdom Volume One
  I don't know about you, but I felt incredibly burned by Souls of Mischief's No Man's Land. So much so, that I played the Hiero crew rather distant ever since. Sure, I kept up with whatever they were doing, but I certainly didn't feel like buying anything from 'em. This post at UGSMAG turned me around. You and I know that the game has changed, so it's not uncommon to see these guerrilla-style videos posted all over YouTube. I can't put my finger on it, but I found "Original Lyricist" very refreshing – very off-the-cuff, and I'm talking about both the video and the song. Dude's exiting a Raiders game, rhyming about how dope he is/how you can't even come close, over this chaotic beat. How can you go wrong? I think you also have to give props to whomever edited that vid, too.
  Having checked the rest of the videos, I remembered seeing the CD at the Polo Park HMV and copped it as soon as I got a chance. Fourteen tracks at a breezy 39 minutes, all about lyrical superiority and mackin' on honeys internationally. A huge nod goes out to The Architect for creating a bouncy, layered soundscape full of movie dialogue, scratches and trippy keyboards. That dude's one to watch, f'real.
• The Walkmen's You & Me
  I heard a number of rumblings about this album being a return to the energy and feel of their first two albums. I kinda see that, except there are no scorchers like "The Rat" and "Little House of Savages". If anything, this album is a slow, warm burn full of visions of traveling and regrets. My favorite moment with a song from this album came last month, as I was making my way through Portage Place and its aged food court. I use that place as a thoroughfare more than a destination, so I wasn't in the best of moods as I walked. At this time "Four Provinces" came up randomly on my iPod, and all the retail chaos around me melted, as Hamilton's voice accompanied by a single guitar sent me to a happier place. That's exactly what the best art does for me...I get transported.
• The Roots' Rising Down
  Admittedly, I haven't listened to this album in several months. It seems that every Roots release since Things Fall Apart is doomed to be compared to it, or there's something riding on every new project. Internal conflict, label drama, whether Malik B. will be involved or not...it all tends to overshadow the album (I'm pretty sure I've listened to Game Theory a total of 5 times). Plus, hey...my attention span sucks in a major way nowadays. Between buying physical releases, single tracks via iTunes and eMusic, and listening to way too many podcasts (I need something to make work go by faster), I can cram only so much in this dome of mine. And here's another thing: ?uesto's liner notes for this album? iTunes only. C'mon, man! That had me pretty pissed for a bit. The liner note experience is integral to a Roots album experience.*
  All that aside, this recording gave me two of my favorite musical moments in '08: Peedi Crakk's verse on "Get Busy", and the scintillating blast that is "75 Bars". "Get Busy" was definitely a wise choice as far as lead singles go, because that joint is all business. An insistent ?uesto beat, Jazzy Jeff scratches, and ripping verses from Black Thought and Dice Raw. As most of you know, BT and Dice are no slouches on the mic. However, it's Peedi's verse that effortlessly steals the show. Truthfully...when is the last time you heard a verse that was worthy of a rewind? Yeah, I can't think of one, either. "75 Bars" is Black Thought as his rawest, and the joint is propelled by drums and tuba. TUBA. Think about that.
  Surrounding these two joints are the Roots' most solid tracks I've heard from this bunch in a long time. Nothing worth skipping.
• Q-Tip's The Renaissance
  This one was a long time comin'. Yeah, I skipped Amplified, despite "Breathe and Stop" and "Vivrant Thing" being incredible tracks. I guess I wasn't about to accept a glossy, Hype Williams-directed version of one of my favorite emcees. Fast forward through nearly a decade of label woes, and we arrive at The Renaissance. I like it. I like it a lot! What else can I say, really. A soulful experience with tight, live instrumentation, plus a couple of joints which serve as reminders that Tip can still drop rhymes over beats (Including this Dilla contribution at the tail end of "You".). Guilt-free listening is what this is.

Other Recordings Worth Mentioning

• Shad's The Old Prince – Homie won me over big time. I can tell we grew up listening to some of the same stuff. Lyrically tight, and it's clean, so your moms can listen to it, too!
• Wale's The Mixtape About Nothing – This actually made #3 on Exclaim's list. I found myself getting a little overwhelmed around "The Bmore Club Slam", but I did have fun listing to this overall. Wale is mad slick, his flow is effortless. Dope theme to this thing too (he's a Seinfeld fan...duh.), and it was FREE!
• Pip Skid's Pip Donahue: I Can't Be Stopped – Yeah, I know...not fair. I did have a hand in this, design-wise. Still, no one does self-deprecation as well as Pip. My faves: "L' Emeni" (this one is incredible live) and "Cut Me Up Into a Thousand Pieces and Burn Them For 3 Weeks". It's like reading Ivan Brunetti's Misery Loves Comedy. Breathtaking, self-obsessive despair has never been so entertaining. If I didn't know the dude, I'd call for a suicide watch.
• Jake One's White Van Music – Solid release with a diverse cast of characters. I knew from the get-go that I'd like it more than Bryon Crawford did. Does that dude like anything? (EDIT: I just checked. He liked Tip's album as much as I did. Well, all right!)
  

Stuff I Should've Bought

• Gnarls Barkley's The Odd Couple – Seriously. Why haven't I bought this yet? I thought the first album was dope, and "Who's Gonna Save My Soul" is a dark gem. I'm slippin'. Hell, the album even sounds great backward!
• Fleet Foxes' self-titled album – Everything I've heard from this has been lush and infectious. I still ain't got it.
• Johnson & Jonson self-titled debut – Okay, this one I have on order. I ain't sleepin' on anything Blu does anymore.
• Chad VanGaalen's Soft Airplane – I was in Music Trader a couple of weeks ago, and this was playing. And it was fucking great. "Willow Tree" is the most comforting, positive song I've heard about death, like, ever. And I fear death. I have no excuse for sleepin' on this one.

Stuff I Should've Liked More Than I Did

• Portishead's Third and The Raconteurs' Consolers of the Lonely – I dunno...maybe I should listen to these again.

* Of course, I found a copy later via Von Pea's blog.

Grant me just these three, a'ight?

In an effort to ensure irritant-free rap listening in 2009*, I made this lil' ol' list.**

1. "Ch__ky-eyed". I remember hearing this in a rhyme several years ago, and I blanched. I seem to be hearing it with alarming frequency nowadays. Seriously, there are a billion ways to say "I'm high", and you pick this one? If you're the type that says this, don't be surprised if I yakuza kick you in the face if I see you in the street.***
2. "swallow my kids/children". Look, I know a lot of you emcees enjoy being "gutta" or "gully", or whatever the fuck is fashionable for "nasty", but there's no reason to sully something as lovely as oral gratification. I'm still reeling from the advent of "gettin' brain". Assholes.
3. Excessive producer shout-outs. Hey, I know kids don't give a fuck about liner notes like I did (and still do), but beatmaker acknowledgments of the "(producer's name), you (mental ailment) for this one!" variety have got to stop, because they're so incredibly played. Like, work his name nicely into the chorus or something. Subtlety is everything. I ain't too crazy about fake banter from the booth between the rapper and those behind the boards, either. Keep that shit genuine.

There are a couple of things I should mention, too, but I don't want this to be a giant bitchfest. All I'm saying is that autotuning has worn out its welcome (thanks for the reminder, DD. Vocoders and talkboxes are dope, though – R.I.P. Roger Troutman.), and hating on gay folks makes you look like a closet case, not to mention, stupid. (ain't that right, Trick Trick?)****.

* This was done with tongue firmly planted in cheek. To expect change would be silly.
** Props must be given to Matt Groening and his "forbidden words" list in Life in Hell/Life is Swell.
*** I'm not a violent person, so this won't actually happen. You can picture that shit, though, right?
**** By linking that story, I'm adding to the giant pile of comments/pingbacks at allhiphop.com. Let it be said here that I'm not in need of drama, so you can keep any hateful comments to yourself. Thanks.