Friday, March 25, 2005

I No Longer Watch Channel Zero: Al on Television

This is straight from the heart, baby.

My man Jeope can truly attest to how addicted I was to television back in the day. In '85, I was so attuned to what was on the tube, I had my viewing schedule for the fall all written out. I was 10. If I wasn't watching wrestling (another deep and early obsession), it was cartoons, sitcoms, or videos on Much.
I think I'd have to say that the internet has taken the place of TV in my life, because it feeds my insatiable hunger for pop culture minutiae. The thing is, it has allso made me quite aware of how much drivel there is on the "idiot box". I could give a fuck about The O.C. as a show (Ms. Barton needs a steak dinner, yo.). What I am interested in is the indie rock name-dropping that seems integral to it. As fine as Tyra Banks is, I'd rather find an inch long manicured finger in my Wendy's chili than watch America's Top Model. I think Zach Braff is a smart mofo, but I can't watch Scrubs...even with fine-ass Sarah Chalke. Does this mean I'm gonna unplug the bitch? Let's not get hasty.

Sitcoms
Since Seinfeld, I can't really bring myself to watch a sitcom on the regular. It's not like Seinfeld was the alpha and omega, I'm just spoiled for other ones since it was so good. I started watching Less Than Perfect due to a certain redhead, but even she wasn't enough to keep me interested. Anytime I'm home early enough to see The World According to Jim on the box (sometimes Mom will watch any old thing), I see just how predictable and intelligence insulting a sitcom can be. With that said, I have a hard time committing myself to non-traditional sitcoms like Curb Your Enthusiasm and Arrested Development, too. I guess I'm skeptical of critical darlings. In the 80's, I was glued to Amen, The Golden Girls, 227, Cosby Show...hell, pretty much anything that made NBC king back then. I've seen every episode of Night Court.
Don't laugh.

Showcase
There was a time when I could count on this cable mainstay for cutting edge and gritty cinema, complete with commentary from Canadian film pundits before and after each flick. Then they decided to change things up. The first time Reindeer Games was a feature presentation on Showcase, I knew it was over. I mean, this was a network that went from showing European films with full contact blowjobs to showing CSI every week night! It's not like I need that type of thing on the regular, that's what porn is for. It displayed to me a change of focus. A disturbing one...a commercially viable change. At least Kink is around for one more season.

"Reality" Shows
Don't get me fuckin' started. The name of the very genre is a misnomer. Real people, yes...doing real things? Not on your life. That's not something you can put a price tag on or a product plaement in. No, you gotta have challenges. Survivor can go to Hell. In fact, that's where the next one should be. Bitches.

I've got more, but I'm heading to a showing of the 2004 Cannes commercials. Ain't it a bitch when the ads are more entertaining than the shows?

To be continued...

4 comments:

Jeope said...

Oh come on now, there's still good stuff out there. It's just buried deep in the shit. I still have mainstays: Seinfeld, KITH & Simpsons reruns, Scrubs, The Daily Show, Six Feet Under & Sopranos (when they're on). K & me still watch Survivor, more as a ritual. It's our one weekly dose of cheese.

I'm seein' the Cannes next Saturday. Gimme a preview!

Allan L. said...

The Cannes? Awesome. There's a ton of Canuck ads this year. And for the first time in a few years, there's no award show highlight reel as a preface. It just goes right into the ads. I'll also say this...Nike really threw down some cash, judging by the logistical nightmare their ads must have been. Nuts.

C Blow said...

Found you sucka!

Allan L. said...

Yes, you did! Rockin'!