Random Thoughts: August 31st, 2014

I ain't been right. The following thoughts stemmed from a late night drive/junk food binge.

• That mess in my workspace has finally been cleaned up. I feel better, but I don't feel better enough...if that makes sense.
• I shouldn't deal with what ifs, because you can't change what's already happened, but I wonder what would've happened if I hadn't ended that date with (name withheld) on a handshake. What if I had taken her up on her invite to come inside? Would we have fucked or made out? Man, I think I could've used some casual sex in my life, although it would've flown in the face of my somewhat devout Christian lifestyle. I doubt I would've smashed a whole lot of honies. Probably would've been random hook-ups with women of all ages.
• I'm eating, because I should be doing something else. The past month has been a huge mental block, where I've been should've been getting this one thing done, but fear of failure/trying has kept me grounded. When I get a flicker of urge to do said thing, I eat or drink instead.
  Or I get on the Internet.
• I've got six sample boxes of an ADHD drug to try, but I need to finish this MMPI-2 questionnaire first. It may fuck with my personality, and I want the test to be accurate.
• On nights like this, I hit the night in search of fresh air, and a tiny bit of excitement. I look at the night life types outside of Whiskey Dix with a mix of disdain and envy. Disdain, due to the whole bullshit night club experience. Envy, because of the unbridled enthusiasm of the participants. The goal is to have a good time, and maybe get a little somethin'. And if you're not tired by the end, the pursuit of a good time continues. Man, if you could bottle that shit.
• I'm wondering if I'll ever get over myself.

An Unholy Mess

My workspace, the Clifton Santiago Honeymoon Suite, is often in need of tidying. However, shit has gotten really out of hand. I'm tackling it while listening to an episode of Tell Me Something I Don't Know, and it's going VERY slowly.

But it's going. Slowly.

On the bright side of things, I've found my umbrella.

2014 Resolutions

Hey.
It's been way too long.

My wonderful sister-in-law was killed in a horrible car accident on the 28th of December. Also, my niece, brother-in-law, their friend and her daughter were injured. They need our prayers and positive thoughts.

Needless to say, I'm not in the greatest emotional shape, and I've been distracting myself with dishes and laundry, in addition to my usual web-based vices. I'm writing this because I think my sister-in-law wouldn't want me moping, and I've been doing plenty of that.

I know plenty of folks that don't like making resolutions, including super-sexy fashion blogger Nadia Aboulhosn. My homie Troy makes them on his birthday (I can feel that).
However symbolic the idea of a clean slate with the arrival of a new year, it works for me. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my resolutions are never a diehard thing, where if I trip up on the 1st or 2nd of January, everything gets fucked up. They are guidelines, ideas, and personal suggestions.

I want 2014 to be a good year, all things considered. It'll definitely be different.
We miss you already, Karla.



2014 Resolutions

1. Health - The usual stuff: better eating habits, regular exercise, a proper outlet for my sadness, etc. Textbook resolution stuff. It can be done.
2. Drawing - Another repeat resolution, with a difference. This time, when I don't draw, I won't beat myself up about it, because that never helps. Sometimes I'm sick, sometimes I'm really down, and drawing is the furthest thing out of my mind. That said, when sad, I should be drawing (see resolution 1). When I'm depressed, I eat my feelings, which just fucks everything up. The relief is temporary. Tasty, but temporary.
   Anyway, drawing. More of it. Even greats like Shane Glines get the blues.
3. The Mint - I've never been. This is wrong, and it must be remedied. This year.
4. The Business of Art - I don't like where I'm at in my creative career. I have the tools to do a lot better, and it's time to use them.
5. Debt - Up to my fucking eyeballs. I'd love to eliminate it, or greatly reduce it.
6. Other Cameras - My Rebel has sat around unused for ages, as has my Fisheye 2. Need to turn that around.
7. Writing - I need to figure out where I am with writing. This blog sat dormant since September, while I've been doing short form stuff at Tumblr, mainly trying to give credit where it's due (kinda NSFW).
8. Hat - I need a new one. I think it'll be this one, in black 6-panel foam. I'm sick of people asking me if I'm a Reds fan.

I've got more ideas, but they're escaping me at the moment.
Anyway, I hope you reach your goals and kick a whole lot of ass this year. Hug your loved ones every chance you get.