Tuesday, July 06, 2004

"Raw is Jericho!"

In Winnipeg, you'd have to have been dwelling under a rock if you didn't know that the WWE was in town. It was in all the freakin' papers, dude. Hometown boy (and fellow RRC alum) Chris Jericho received both the Order of the Buffalo Hunt (an honour also bestowed upon the late Mother Teresa) and the Key to the City from new mayor Sam Katz (I voted for him!). I was not there, 'cuz I was broke, as usual. It would've been cool to see the second-last card at the "old barn" (tonight's SmackDown taping will be the last wrestling show in the Winnipeg Arena, the wrestling Mecca of the Prairies), but hey, whatareyagonnado? The fact that I missed the boat will give me the impetus to get tickets for the first WWE event at the soon-to-open MTS Centre, whenever the fuck that's gonna happen. I heard recently that the initials MTS in French are synonymous with Sexually Transmitted Diseases. That's quite an oversight on the part of the Manitoba Telecom System.

Anyway...I taped the show last night, and I decided to take a stab at the recap/commentary thing that folks like Scott Keith do. I can't promise that it'll be good.

- Shit, the Arena looks pretty good with the RAW gear inside of it! What gets me is that I cant see the familiar yellow walls. Did they repaint 'em? I dunno...I haven't had a reason to go there since the last card I was able to afford. I think that was about two years ago. Yellow walls used to tell me whether a show was being held at Winnipeg Arena or Boston Gardens. But I digress...

- Eugene is in charge in this installment and starts off the show with a game of musical chairs for a championship match. Your participants: Jericho (wearing a snazzy Jets shirt with the old school logo), Ric Flair, Stacy Keibler(nice ass for a lanky girl), Tyson Tomko, The Coach, Tajiri, and Jerry "The King" Lawler. Brilliant. Comedy ensues, and Jericho wins the game and a title shot against Randy Orton later in the show. The fans are fuckin' rabid! Damn, I wish was there.

- LA RESISTANCE vs. RHYNO / VAL VENIS
Uh, okay. It seems that finding a proper partner is Rhyno's latest schtick. That's cool...it's something for him to do. The fans mercilessly diss Grenier's butchering of "O Canada", and rightfully so. I'm sure he's just being a good corporate citizen, but I gotta wonder what kind of convincing it took for Rob Conway to accept this faux-Quebecois gimmick. Maybe the fact he's no longer in developmental hell? Quite possibly. La Resistance have the coolest boots in the organization. Yup. Anyway, La Res beat Rhyno and "The Big Valbowski" with an "Au Revoir". Inoffensive little match.

- Raw Diva Search? Who gives a fuck? I don't.

- Oooh...Triple H is addressing the people. It's cool that he didn't quite bury Benoit in promoting their upcoming match at Vengeance. Will he get the belt back? All signs point to yes. *sigh*
Well, lookee here...Edge has somthin' to say. Dude's got the best teeth in wrestling. I hope he retires with all of them.

- An ad for Flair's book. It's out today in the States, July 23rd for us Canucks. I checked.

- BATISTA vs. KANE
I no longer hate Batista, because he seems rather effective in tag matches. Somewhat entertaining, even. This match (made by Eugene) has "bad" written all over it though. Yup...I was right. Mercifully, the match was ended by DQ due to Matt Hardy's interference. I really, really, really can't wait for this Lita/Matt/Kane pregnancy storyline to die. Yecch.

- RANDY ORTON vs. CHRIS JERICHO
The fans are totally eating this up, of course. I'm sure it's especially deafening on the floor. I wonder if the WWE will re-think its "Canadian babyface/American home" announcement policy. Probably not. I'm liking Orton more as the days go by. The dude really knows how to sell wear-down type holds and he throws a mean dropkick. This match was dope from beginning to end with Orton using the ropes for leverage to get the pin. Yeah, Jericho jobbed in his hometown, but not cleanly. Chris is still on top, baby. That reminds me, it was cool to see Jericho do the "c'mon, baby" pin attempt on Orton. I busted a gut on that.

- Next, Trip has a meeting with Eugene in his "office". Good stuff. I gotta wonder when we'll see the real Nick Dinsmore appear. This nouveau-George "The Animal" Steele thing is already wearin' kinda thin with me.

- 3-WAY "CONTRACT ON A POLE" MATCH: NIDIA vs. MOLLY vs. VICTORIA
Oh God. The best thing about this is that Lita isn't in this to stink it up any further. I truly wish the Women's title actually meant something. For that to happen though, I'd have to enter an dimensional portal and live in a world where North America turns into Japan.
Did I mention that I think Molly is fine?
Uh...anyway, Nidia "wins". Stratus belts her with her "injured" hand and demands that the ref make a 3-count. Great, the Nidia/Stratus program I was dying to see!

- HANDICAP MATCH: EUGENE/FLAIR/TRIPLE H vs. BENOIT/EDGE
I'd like to take this opportunity to say that BENOIT FUCKIN' RULES!!!


Ahem.

Benoit was in this one for most of it, mainly to throw a little more heat on his match with Triple H this Sunday. We also saw an interesting dynamic in this match between Eugene and Benoit. Benoit showed compassion in this match, not wanting to put the hurt on ol' Euge, and Eugene had conflicting feelings about smacking Chris with a chair. It remains to be seen whether fans will continue to support Eugene through his ethical ups and downs or if Winnipeg will be known as the city that set him on the heel path. Who knows?

What I do know is that I couldn't do this kind of thing every week. Lemme show you how it's really done.

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